Roz: I was never his lady.
Kirby: Damn, baby, that’s cold!
Kristi: She’s old enough to be your mother, practically.
Roz: Damn, baby, now that’s cold!
Part 1 of this two-piece was the first ep to air after creator David Angell died in the 9/11 (never forget) attacks. I used to believe in that 9/11 (never forget) inside job conspiracy ish, but there is no way that David Angell would not have gotten a call before he went to work if that shit was true, for Frasier to have won so many awards motherfucker had to be connected, and you know Cheney and Wolfowitz bro-down on some Frasier whenever they’re holed up in Dick’s secret lair. I guess we really should be shelling Afghani villages and raiding Iraqi hospitals, take that Truthers! In dying, David Angell has restored my faith in the US Government. Never forget.
I have no idea what happened in part 1, I can’t imagine it matters. Part 2 opens with Frasier in an ethical dilemma, a woman he secretly lusts after asks him advice when her ex-husband comes back into her life. Frasier is torn, he wants to date the woman but can see that she still has feelings for her husband. There shouldn’t really be an issue, damey looks like a mom with a meth-habit (or, looks like any mom from Nebrahoma) which is to say: wide, flat ass, Chicago-titties, and a ruined face, and she’s a total wet-blanket with a fucking kid, the only question should be whether or not Frasier pisses in her stairwell as he sneaks out. He ends up doing the right thing and counseling her to get back with her husband, then goes home pouting to find Niles, Daphne, The Dad and whatever old cooz The Dad’s truthing his bed with having deep pretzel time. Predictably Frasier is totally disgusted by their disgusting coupling (or, pair-bonding) and decides to take a drive to clear his head and think about his relationship issues.
Finally this dud of a plot gets out of the way so we can enjoy some of the best television ever. While Frasier drives out to a cabin that he (apparently) owns in the woods he hallucinates the presence of his ex-wife Lilith, Diane (from Cheers), and his first wife (what?) who is a ridiculous hippie stereotype complete with Indian feathers and a toy guitar. He talks to them (himself) about his relationship troubles and each figment of Frasier’s imagination present different theories about why he sabotages himself when it comes to love. It’s pretty amazing that this was actually on TV, and that everyone’s dads watched it and accepted it as regular old-person entertainment considering that this behavior is absolutely insane.
When they get to the cabin Frasier’s dead mother (her name is Hester Crane) shows up and Lilith makes a joke about how Frasier wants to juice his mom, the laugh track finds this hilarious, and I bet your parents laughed too. Talk about subversive. At some point the women are all arguing with each other and Frasier’s mom claims that Frasier is “making” them fight so as to avoid working out his women-issues, thinking about this makes my head hurt: Frasier is being haunted by vivid hallucinations who he cannot stop from talking or from criticizing him and who he cannot make go away, but he is able to compel them to argue with each other so as to avoid discussing his relationship troubles, a subject these very unreal people are hell-bent on talking about. After the women stop arguing Frasier tries to run away but is confronted at the front door with a hallucination of every woman he has ever dated which is a surprisingly large amount of women who are all dressed the same. It is finally concluded that Frasier always fails at love because he can’t let go of his idealized memories of the women he once loved. A pretty simple conclusion that likely could have been reached without going absolutely crazy.
This is the easiest rating I’ve ever had to give, not only is there a Roz is a slut joke, there is a Roz is old joke which is a new wrinkle (no pun intended), and Frasier, the psychiatrist, works out his problems by utilizing a usually dormant multiple-personality disorder: A+.